Tuesday, August 21, 2012

struggles & blessings

 This little boy brings out so many emotions in me. in the same minute he can make me so frustrated & so happy. it seems as if he turned two & terrible on the same day. And then you look at him and you smile, because he is just so darn cute.
 
 I have struggled lately in knowing how to parent him...i still haven't figured it out. (parenting books are on their way to my house right now). time-outs haven't seemed to work and spanking certainly doesn't work, calm speaking doesn't quite cut it because as i try to gently speak, he's off and running to the next exciting thing.
 
  in one moment i am laughing at how fun & energetic he is and the next i'm wanting to scream screaming because he's too energetic & wild. for example: yesterday we were at Target and as i'm trying on 5 inch platform wedges he takes off running as fast as his little legs can carry him, which is surprisingly fast, saying "runaway, runaway". imagine that, me chasing him with one platform on and one flip-flop. In that moment i was laughing a little, but the next 4 times he jumped off the cart and did the same, not so much. Or how bout when we were at the verizon store the other night and in the split second i turned to talk to the worker, he bolted off, ran across the store, opened the fire-extinguisher, and attempted to pull it out of the case....thankfully there was only one other couple in the store, but of course they were staring at him, saying "wow, he's a quick one"----major proud mommy moment there
 
 But then, there are the moments when my heart melts because he is so sweet. Like when Claire cries, and he goes and gives her a hug and a kiss and says "why sad Claire, why sad? be happy!" Or when every time Chase gets home from work Preston greets him with the biggest smile, kiss & hug you've ever seen.
 
 I knew being a parent wouldn't be easy. It's not. but quite honestly i didn't think i'd have days where i really wanted to lock myself in my room and let Preston do whatever he pleases while i take a breather. Nor, did i imagine i'd have such a range of emotions with him. I don't want to be "the mean-mom" who at the end of the day realizes she only said "no" 5,000 times instead of sitting down and making a mess with him. And somedays i go to bed frustrated with him & myself because it was one of those no-days... those aren't fun for me, and certainly not for him.
 
 But i also didn't realize that hearing a sweet voice saying "mommy, come in" every morning would melt my heart the way it does. Or to realize how it feels to have someone depend on and need me so much. Its a BIG JOB being a mom, but i can't think of a greater thing to do.
 
  I know Preston is busy, and energetic, and full of it, and crazy, and naughty sometimes (a lot of the times). And i know we are going to have our struggles over the years, as i figure him out & he does the same for me. I know it is going to be hard.
 But, i also know that Preston was chosen to come to our family, so i could be his mom. So that he could teach me so very much, as i try to teach him too. So that i could struggle, and learn & grow alongside him. There are bad days, and there always will be...but, the good outweighs them so much. I know what a blessing it is for me to be his mother. I am learning patience & understanding & balance & more patience everyday. I am realizing now that i need to embrace his busy, active, healthy, energetic self and run with it. How lucky is he to have those capabilities to do so much & learn so quickly. I think i look at other moms who have really well behaved, mellow children and envy that sometimes, or think to myself how they must look at me because i'm almost always chasing Preston down or telling him no and think that they think i just don't have it together (which sometimes i don't). But again, i'm so grateful & blessed to have him in my life and am realizing that i should focus more on how lucky i am that i get to be his mom & forget about the insignificant things that push my buttons on a daily basis...those things aren't important, but he is. 
I am once again reminded of something that someone told me in a note right before i had Pres. She said, "there is no greater challenge, nor greater blessing than being a mom" 

and its true.

3 comments:

Sammy said...

love this post! Oh you are such an amazing mom, being a mom truly is the hardest but the greatest thing ever. preston is so darn cute, his sweet little face and that smile! I don't think i could ever tell him no! ha ha, but we all have those days for sure. you are amazing! thanks for sharing this :)

Paige said...

oh meagan....just ask sammy....we met a chick-fil-a for lunch while she was in town and violet sat quietly and ate her food while cash ran like a wild man and kept hitting violet and telling me no! It was horrible. And that's just one of MANY instances. So I feel for you! It's so hard being a mom, especially to a free spirited little boy. I'm hoping my little girl will be a little more calm. :) you are a great mom! I can tell just being around you the two times I was this summer. You love that little boy so much and he loves you. and it stinks but sometimes you have to be the "mean mom". I hate it but it's just part of the job. :( let me know how you like the books you get. I have "love and logic" and "how to raise an emotionally intelligent child" that I need to read. Probably before this baby comes and my life turns upside down! I love ya and wish we lived closer so I could have been there to see you chase preston through target in platforms! :)

The Dschaaks said...

I really think it is like a switch that flips and they turn crazy one day! Two really is so hard and fun all at once! The best advice i ever got was to give two choices and let them choose like eat dinner or go to bed. It took a while for the both of us to get good at it but for Emma it works really well now. Good to see you at Target the other day...sorry I missed the show! : )